MAS Story Writers Blog

Lonely planet

Posted in Uncategorized by Jacob Sempler on November 4, 2009

Some day in life we will all open up the door to boredom. The door has probably been slightly open for a while and you’ve just kept ignoring it. This could happen to anyone, even in the scenic city of El Paso. A vacation is what you need. Tired of all the epic quarter-of-an-hour football games at the Sun Bowl? Already been to the mall twice this morning? Or are you just blasé about sleeping with your sister? Whatever the mind-boggling reason would be, maybe you just feel that El Paso isn’t blooming as it did in the days (when you were a fetus). If so, take your pickup and come to Socorro, where the brass is green and the girls are shitty. Located just 20 miles southeast of El Paso the jagged contours of Socorro take shape. This is the perfect place for you to come and thrive, stop by the DMV or chill out at the IRS. The activities are somewhat limited, but will guarantee you a sucky time.

Feel a bit peckish? If you have time, you never know in this black hole of ugliness, be sure to stop by the Great American Land & Cattle Co. This establishment will provide you a small American sampler of cattle: cow butt, pig butt and death. If you’re still hungry, check out the classifieds and grab a big dry bite of the angst sandwich. Here’s an excerpt: “2009-11-03, 9:22PM MST. On holloween [sic] night i was a victim of burglary. Someone of unknown origins invaded my personal space and stole a pumpkin that i carved , it was a beautiful portrait of Lionel Richie.” Who knows what more craziness occur at night? That’s a rhetorical question.

So, what if you want to kill yourself? That’s not going to be a problem. Make sure you succeed though, as suicidal attempts are punished by death, you can’t leave the city for the rest of your life. Also, be certain that no one is around to witness this tragic everyday event in Socorro. Go to the mall for instance, where you’ll have absolute privacy. Before you do that however, you want to make sure you get the perfect spot at the graveyard. Personally, I’ve always been a fan of every point of the compass. The tombstones vary somewhat in size, but they all share the same proud and desperate typeface.

A day in Socorro can be quite rural, so a well-deserved siesta in the city is probably what you need. Now, get back to your urban haven and sanctuary 20 miles up north, charming El Paso.

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